Ethics and relationship age differences - dating internet | Ask MetaFilter
People reported distinct age preferences for marriage; a serious relationship; 20s, but the gap between reports of what is socially acceptable and the rule itself . Sexual ethics or sex ethics (also called sexual morality) is the study of ethics in relation to . Age of consent is also a key issue in sexual ethics. Many different types of marriage exist, but in most cultures that practice marriage, extramarital sex In addition, laws exist against this kind of abuse of power by priests, preachers. Ethics and relationship age differences someone who groomed and exploited them, likely as a statutory rapist in spirit if not letter of the law.
You can stay penpals I think maybe, but stop it with the hearts and let this kid be. I was once the teenager in your question, albeit a little younger, but around the age your teenage friend was when you met them.
I would say no. I don't hold ill feeling toward the older Internet friend I developed a crush on, but I do wish they had had the judgment to shut it down. As I reached the age they had been I gained more perspective on how unhealthy the relationship had been and it took me years to move past the hurt and truly forgive them years gave me yet more perspective on the place they'd been in their life.
Now, I don't think you are necessarily bad or immoral to have found yourself in this situation. It sounds like you care about your friend's wellbeing and you are making an effort to seek advice to ensure you don't harm them. But with that in mind, I think the best thing you can do for your friend is to cut wayyy down on the intense emotional intimacy. Let them explore who they are and what they want in relationships with people nearby, in their life stage.
Give them space to grow. Then in several years once they are a mature adult they're still interested, then perhaps it might work. A relationship that begins with you wondering if it's ethically okay is not good for either of you. I generally think that if you have to debate with yourself if you're behaving in an ethically correct manner, you likely aren't acting in accordance with your values, and the rest is just justification. Not okay, at all. I have typed and erased several things and will boil it down to this: If my child was the younger person in this scenario, i would tell her that there is nothing about a 25 year old wanting to date a high school student that is a compliment.
I wouldn't care if she was 19 and in high school and i wouldn't care if she expressed interest first. I would be suspicious of any 25 year old who wanted a high school kid to be a significant relationship in their life. I mean, this person might still have a curfew and want to go to the prom and a 25 year old can theorectically do whatever they want. Age differences become much less of a deal once people are out of college, but right now it is a no go.
Sex, young people and the law
You've never even met this person? You've spent two years cultivating a relationship with and investing your increasingly romantic energy in a teenager seven years younger than you that you've never met? Hell, you've been taking life guidance from a high schooler? Something is wrong with the way your life is going. This is not the way grown-up people conduct themselves. Get into therapy, figure out what you are resisting about adulthood, and stop seeking life advice from people who aren't even old enough to vote.
You will be doing harm to this person if you pursue this.
Please, please let them be. This is the weirdest 'rule' in the world, but damned if it's not spot on. Go ahead, I'll wait. Given that you're twenty-five, you're most likely done with high school, probably done with college, and probably working.
The other party being in high school makes this a "no. When I first met my now-spouse, we were eighteen and twenty-four respectively; this caused a certain number of raised eyebrows amongst our friends and gave everyone cause to pause and think carefully. However, we were both recent college graduates who had both been living independently for some years already. I was a fairly typical twenty-four-year old; my now-spouse was a far from typical eighteen year old. This is not the position you're in.
Looking back, I sometimes wonder if we'd act differently today; but we're still together, decades later, so I say this having done it, mind.20 Shocking AGE Difference of Bollywood Couples - Indian Couple AGE GAP. - Latest Updates
It's something you need to be able to manage, and especially with this age difference, you need to be the one who's mature enough to either stop encouraging it or stop talking to them.
The fact that you haven't been able to stop yourself from drifting into heart-emoji territory suggests to me that you are not, in fact, really in control of your feelings in this situation, and that would probably be a warning sign of future drama even if the other party was older. When the other party is younger, currently fully dependent on parents, and first started expressing interest in you when they were even younger than this You needed to be the one who backed things properly down to being just friends, JUST friends, not "just friends and maybe someday more", when the idea was brought up originally.
If you couldn't do that then, you are not going to be able to start this relationship now and have it be any better than that. You need to cut contact back to the point where you can really get your head on straight, even if that's "completely". It's going to suck, but at least it's a future lesson that it's easier to manage your feelings earlier than to let them run roughshod over your good sense until much later.
Sexual ethics - Wikipedia
I just wanted to chime in and say: You are a good person, caught in a confusing situation. You're doing the right thing by really thinking this through.
Try not to take personally some of the language above. Definitely do not date this person, and yes, maybe talk to a therapist—but not because there's anything wrong with you. Take these steps because you're uncommonly thoughtful, and strong, and committed to avoiding harming this person you care about and maybe others in the future.
It's not ethical for someone in their 20s to maintain a relationship with a kid they have a crush on and a "kid" is what they were "a couple years ago. I'm blunt here because you've wrapped your question up in a lot of extra details that must seem important to you but in fact read as justifications, and I think it might help you to read it distilled down to how it looks from the outside.
Actually, from what you've written, I think you know it's wrong, but are hoping some particulars make your case the exception. It's not the exception. But you need to pick. I say this is someone who is not in anyway invested in monogamy. This person is still developing their ethical norms around dating and to the extent that you are giving any input into that, acting as a role model, and generally encouraging this person towards polyamory, you have a huge conflict of interest. Just be a mentor.
It caused me not to really have relationships - including friendships - with people who were age appropriate. It caused harm to me developmentally, and I feel sad that I don't have friends from high school like so many of my peers. What you are doing right now - intimate and intense emotional conversations - is grooming and it is doing harm even if you never follow up on it.
I read your question, and it brought up nothing so strongly as my memories of this incident. I would be happy to talk about this more with you privately, and share more of my story. I don't think you are a bad person or trying to do anything wrong. In fact, I think just the opposite. I think you feel strongly and deeply, and really do care about the welfare of your friend.
Please hear the people in this thread who are saying that the best way to care for their welfare is to take a dramatic step back not forward. It's over half an hour later, and I still can't shake it.
This is part of the lasting impact. All my social media is locked down, and I periodically close all my accounts because an article or something brings this back up to the surface and I panic about it. Internet relationships are real and have lasting consequences. Especially for people whose brains haven't finished becoming adult.
I'm not saying this to make you feel bad about asking the question, but rather to give you a sense of how long lasting and far reaching the impact can be.
In fact, these are some of the very communities who too often have to deal with predators who co-opt and hide behind those identities, damaging those communities. From the vantage point of being 36, I am very glad that I didn't pursue those relationships, and cringe thinking about how close I came to consummating them. It would be really exploitative for me to Go There, taking advantage of the intimacy of a long-term close relationship with a generationally younger person, and the best way for that to not happen is for us to be mindful of it and talk about what might be behind that change in tone and what good boundaries for our relationship would be.
I'd rather be a person you can always trust to not have ulterior motives because you are about to be swimming in a world of it. You don't get to date anyone you knew as an adult when they were Kids don't need this. Nevertheless, historically, this has not necessarily been the case.
Throughout history, a whole range of consensual sexual acts, such as adulteryfornicationinterracial or interfaith sex, 'sodomy' see sodomy laws have been prohibited; while at the same time various forced sexual encounters such as rape of a slave, prostitute, war enemy, and most notably of a spouse, were not illegal.
The criminalization of marital rape is very recent, having occurred during the past few decades, and the act is still legal in many places around the world.
Outside the West, in many countries, consent is still not central and some consensual sexual acts are forbidden. For instance, adultery and homosexual acts remain illegal in many countries; and in five countries and in parts of two others, homosexual acts carry the death penalty. Sexual ethics also considers whether a person is capable of giving consent and the sort of acts they can consent to.
In western countries, the legal concept of " informed consent " often sets the public standards on this issue. Children, the mentally handicapped, the mentally ill, animals, prisoners, and people under the influence of drugs like alcohol might be considered in certain situations as lacking an ability to give informed consent.
In the United States, Maouloud Baby v. State is a state court case ruling that a person can withdraw sexual consent and that continuing sexual activity in the absence of consent may constitute rape. Also, if infected with a sexually transmitted disease, it is important that one notifies the partner before sexual contact. Enthusiastic consent, as expressed in the slogan "Yes means yes," rather than marriage, is typically the focus of liberal sexual ethics.
Age of consent[ edit ] Main article: Age of Consent Age of consent is also a key issue in sexual ethics. It is a controversial question of whether or not minors should be allowed to have sex for recreation or engage in sexual activities such as sexting. The debate includes whether or not minors can meaningfully consent to have sex with each other, and whether they can meaningfully consent to have sex with adults.
In many places in the world, people are not legally allowed to have sex until they reach a set age. Marriage and Fornication In all cultures, consensual sexual intercourse is acceptable within marriage. In some cultures sexual intercourse outside marriage is controversial, if not totally unacceptable, or even illegal.
In some countries, such as Saudi Arabia, Pakistan,  Afghanistan,   Iran,  Kuwait,  Maldives,  Morocco,  Oman,  Mauritania,  United Arab Emirates,   Sudan,  Yemen,  any form of sexual activity outside marriage is illegal.
As the philosopher Michel Foucault has noted, such societies often create spaces or heterotopias outside themselves where sex outside marriage can be practiced. According to his theory, this was the reason for the often unusual sexual ethics displayed by persons living in brothels, asylums, onboard ships, or in prisons. Sexual expression was freed of social controls in such places whereas, within society, sexuality has been controlled through the institution of marriage which socially sanctions the sex act.
Many different types of marriage exist, but in most cultures that practice marriage, extramarital sex without the approval of the partner is often considered to be unethical. There are a number of complex issues that fall under the category of marriage. When one member of a marital union has sexual intercourse with another person without the consent of their spouse, it may be considered to be infidelity.
In some cultures, this act may be considered ethical if the spouse consents, or acceptable as long as the partner is not married while other cultures might view any sexual intercourse outside marriage as unethical, with or without consent.
Furthermore, the institution of marriage brings up the issue of premarital sex wherein people who may choose to at some point in their lives marry, engage in sexual activity with partners who they may or may not marry. Various cultures have different attitudes about the ethics of such behavior, some condemning it while others view it to be normal and acceptable.
Premarital sex Premarital sex is sexual activity between two people who are not married to each other. The onus would be on the accused person to show they reasonably believed the other person had freely agreed to have sex. This applies whether they are the initiating partner or the consenting partner. This criminal offence where both are aged 13, 14 or 15 applies solely to penetration of the mouth, vagina or anus with the penis and to touching of the penis vagina or anus with the mouth.
People in this age group participating in other consensual sexual acts are not committing criminal offences. The Act includes some offences showing drawings of genitals to a young person, for example that might seem to criminalise people who provide sex education. However the Act includes specific exemptions.