Balance in a relationship means not only that you need to give wisely, This perceived give-and-take imbalance has many possible reasons. Life, as they say, is give and take. You put things in and you take things out. The same is true for relationships where a balance of give and take is a sound. Healthy relationships are based on mutual caring. Whether it's friendship or marriage, there has to be giving and receiving. We reach out to.
Ask yourself whether this is a gift you're giving no strings attached, no expectationsor whether it's a loan hoping for a payback? Be judicious with who you give to, how much you give and why.
If you repeatedly give more than you receive and feel bitter about it, you may want to explore why you go beyond your limits. Expand your circle of friends. We all give in different ways -- it's why I'm a big proponent of having several close friends.
We get different needs met and can appreciate how others give to us better when we can see the differences. You'll need less from any one friend when you feel supported by several.
Marriage Is A Give And Give Relationship
When you have a friend whose shoulder you can cry on, you can better appreciate the other friend who simply makes you laugh. The best way to feel more full? Receive from more women! This is especially true if you feel that one friend keeps disappointing you.
It's your responsibility to build a circle of friends around you, not her obligation to be everything you need.
Marriage Is A Give And Give Relationship
Acknowledge that balance doesn't mean being identical. We not only give in different ways, but we also give at different times. Going through my divorce, I monopolized more than 50 percent of many conversations with friends. And the roles have been reversed at various times. Additionally, I have one friend who impressively always invites and schedules time with my husband and me. I don't reciprocate evenly in that area, but I've provided her coaching, held her heart through pain and been a safe place to process life out loud with someone who cares.
Bask in the ways you receive. So you give a lot. Make sure you notice what you're receiving, too! She may not be great at remembering your birthdays, but does she love in other ways?
Why were you drawn to her initially? Make sure you take time to look for all the ways she might be giving that you don't initially see. Pull out a pad of paper and list everything you can think of that she does for you.
This includes things like easily forgiving you, brainstorming your business with you, encouraging you to be an individual, standing up for you, making you laugh, remembering to ask about your mom, etc.
Be sure you're receiving what's being given! Continue to give your best. If you're good at scheduling time together, then do it. If you're good at listening longer, asking better questions and validating feelings, then give and do it freely.
If you're the one who remembers birthdays and buys presents for her kids, then do it with joy, harboring no resentment.
If you're able to pay for meals together, tell her that it's your privilege to give to the friendship in this way. Love on her in the ways that are easy and natural for you, knowing that is your contribution to the friendship you share. The classic example is a bank account, where we save for the future and take money out for important purchases. Slightly more complex is our career, where we invest in study and hard work and reap the rewards of pay, promotion and personal fulfilment.
Some systems are always positive, for example the money in your wallet.
When it runs out, it cannot be less than zero. Yet if you borrow money, your net wealth can go negative, for example when you owe money to the bank. Debt is a source of much woe, often caused by short-term motivations, which makes it a notable persuasive lever. The overall behavioral impact of the system is that it encourages people to seek balance.
6 Ways to Bring Balance to Your Relationships | HuffPost Life
If I take, then I must give in return. In order to take when I am in need, I must first make deposits. We hence seek to keep our accounts positive at least to the degree of an adequate safety net for future needs, with more risk-averse people with good self-control sustaining a larger average credit level. A more complex give and take is in our relationships, where we give and take time, support and emotion to and from other people.
Giving typically implies generous support that is gratefully received, yet this is not always the case. We can foist things on people or give only reluctantly. And we may be desperate or unwilling to receive. Likewise, taking can range from grateful acceptance of a kind offer to coercive demands. Both give and take can hence be positive and negative in intent and involve corresponding positive and negative emotions.
The equation of reciprocity The way we behave in balancing give and take is driven by the personal and social need for fairness. Relationships extend this to work through the force of reciprocitywhere there is a strong obligation to repay what you are given.
If one person owes too much to the other, resentment and conflict may arise and the relationship may consequently fall apart. An exact balance is not always required as trust acts to make this a 'sloppy' system. The greater the trust, the more negative the balance can become before concern about repayment arises. If I trust you then I will give a lot before I seek to take in return, confident that you will repay me at some time in the future.
In each relationship there is a bucket system of 'social capital' where we make deposits and withdrawals from the bucket. The exact currency is difficult to define but could perhaps be approximated with the formula emotion x time.
If you spend two hours helping someone, and they spend an hour helping you, then, if the emotional exchange is equal, they still owe you an hour. Emotional complexity The problem in balancing the books of social exchange is that emotion is a complex variable. If you help me for an hour and I am very grateful, then I may feel a need to help you for three hours doing something in return.
Gratitude is hence a powerful driving emotion in social exchange. When I help you, it is your gratitude that is the deposit in my account that motivates you to repay me, not just the fact that I helped you.
Other emotions complicate the situation. For example if I help you and expect you to be grateful, then my feelings of expectation will give me the impression that I have earned a certain amount of social capital, and that my bucket is a little fuller as yours is a little emptier.
Yet if you are not that grateful, you will not think you owe me that much. In fact if you did not need or want my help then you may think you owe me nothing. And if you see my help as an intrusion or an attempted 'robbery' in forcing me to owe you in return then your feelings of resentment will tip the balance the other way as you believe I owe you some reparation for the wrong done.
In this way positive and negative emotions have opposite effects on the social capital bucket, and the stronger the emotion, the bigger the effect.
Give and Take
If you hurt me in any way, then you owe me. If you help me then I owe you.
Love and hate are enduring emotions that have a big effect on give and take. If I love you then I will give much. Even if you do little in return, I will feel good for having helped you and hence effectively reward myself with good feelings rather than expect things from you.