Retroactive jealousy: Obsessed with my partner’s past - BBC News
Retroactive jealousy will ruin your relationship. Obsessing over your partner's past is not their issue and may be a form of your own OCD. Worst of all, when you give way to retroactive jealousy, you are starting a vicious circle. say anything, roll your eyes or even give your partner the silent treatment . retroactive jealousy though, the negative emotions take the form of an OCD. As the name suggests, retroactive jealousy focuses on the past. In particular To give you an example, take normal jealousy in a relationship. A husband Leads to emotions such as anxiety, anger, worry, fear and panic. Makes you . Szondi Test with Pictures That Will Reveal Your Deepest Hidden Self.
In a relationship, feelings of jealousy usually originate from the perception that your partner is paying more attention to someone or something and that you are the rightful claimant to that attention. If not, then tell yourself that there is nothing to feel jealous of and if yes, then you know what issues need to be addressed in your relationship. However always remember that you can only see a part of their entire lives.
You are not privy to many facets of their existence which may not be as flawless as you imagine them to be. Also look around and get to know people who have not been so lucky — who are perhaps struggling with ill-health, loss and misfortune but who refuse to let themselves be assailed with doubts all the time. Finally make an effort to enhance yourself. Instead of worrying whether your partner prefers an ex to you, look for constructive and enjoyable ways to occupy your own time.
When your partner suffers from retroactive jealousy Dealing with a partner who suffers from retroactive jealousy is often worse than someone who is merely possessive; this is because in case of the former, the object of contention is your past life and you may not even have a clue what your partner is upset at.
If possible, try and avoid trigger factors which you know lead to jealous outburst from your partner. If you happen to break promises agreed between the two of you, your partner may get more jealous. These can be small symbolic gestures like wearing a scarf given by your boyfriend as an anniversary present or making it a point to call your wife every time you leave town on work.
Be sure to give lots of compliments to your partner and talk about the great future you are looking forward to share with each other. Like a phrase to do with something they have done in the past, or a picture of her with her ex. Here's an example ERP: Do not respond in any way… simply continue what you were going to do, e.
Optional SPIKE - Say to myself mentally 'This really does matter, and ignoring it is going to result in me ending up in a terrible situation'.
Believe it for a second. Fast heartbeat, short breaths, hands shaking, uncomfortable feeling of things being "not right". After about 15 mins the anxiety will subside. Repeat this process each time you see a trigger.
Sometimes and Intrusive Thought will appear with no trigger. Carry out ERP as normal. Sometimes you will fail the ERP. Sometimes you will give in to the Anxiety, and think about the thing you shouldn't, or reassure yourself. It's also normal to make progress, then stumble and fall and get worse again, quite a few times before permanent recovery.
I went back and forth about 5 times. You have to face your own fear. But if you're committed, and pick yourself up each time you stumble, and keep moving forward, you will beat it. Some more information on RJ Compulsions: When the Intrusive thoughts examples below pop in to your head, simply briefly recognise it, and continue on with what you're doing.
You'll notice that this is extremely uncomfortable. Every fibre in your body will be urging for you to "reassure yourself" that it doesn't matter that she did what she did, that she's still the girl for you etc.
Your mind will be screaming for you to visualise what happened… but you must not.
How to handle retroactive jealousy | Psychologies
You must just continue with what you were doing, and live through that "uncomfortable" feeling that this produces. When any of these thoughts pop in, simply feel the anxiety and keep on doing what you were doing without following the thought up. Becoming comfortable with uncertainty is the stake in the heart of the OCD Vampire. That means being OK with not knowing: This probably seems like a terrifying proposition at the moment. How on Earth could I be comfortable NOT knowing for sure whether she is the right girl for me, or how many guys she's been with?
The thing is, this fear is an illusion produced by the malfunction in your brain. I'm not going to lie, doing ERP is truly terrifying to begin with. But the more you do it, the more the fear just It must seem so strange at the moment, but you genuinely will gradually just be less and less bothered about being 'sure' about these questions.
The more ERP you do, they will seem less important, and the Intrusive Thoughts will gradually just stop appearing. I believe that RJ has, at it's core, a combination of the following fears: Fear that your partner will be unfaithful to you.
Fear that your partner will leave you for another man. Fear that your partner's ex's or past encounters were somehow "better" than you sexually, or "more masculine" than you.
Fear of not being "enough" for your partner. Fear that you cannot protect your partner.
I recommend that you discuss with a trained psychotherapist the possibility that you hold these fears, and that they are the 'Source' of your OCD. My understanding at the moment is that dealing with these fears will extinguish these remnants of your RJ. Finally, some additional resources on RJ: They look as though they might have some good information in them, but that comes at a fairly steep price.
You should be able to make headway with my information above, for free, before deciding whether you want to pay for further resources.
How someone who has overcome this horrendous condition feels it's appropriate to charge fellow sufferer's as much as he does for recovery tips is beyond me. But that's the way of the world. Again, I doubt that that is his real name. Looks half decent, but again, not free. Retroactive Jealousy doesn't go away on it's own. Unless you fight this illness, it will crop up in every romantic relationship you find yourself in for the rest of your life.
May sound harsh, but it's better that you know the truth now. Otherwise it will come back with your next partner. No matter how 'small' or 'insignificant' their past seems, RJ will find an opening. OCD always finds a way, if left untreated.
That's the unflinching doubt that OCD brings. Save the relationship you're in.