Dr. John Gottman's "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" are Divorce Predictors.
3 days ago Improve your relationship with science-backed advice from The Gottman Institute. Gottman's principles are research-based. and immune function; and followed couples annually to see how their relationships have fared. Gottman found that the presence of Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, and Stonewalling in a relationship can predict divorce and named these negative Using the research-based approach for couples therapy & marriage counseling, .
Of all the horsemen, contempt is the most serious.
Couples have to realize that these types of put downs will destroy the fondness and admiration between them. The antidote to contempt is to lower your tolerance for contemptuous statements and behaviors and to actively work on building a culture of appreciation in the relationship.
Can it be done? In Gottman therapy there are many exercises we can use to help you learn to reduce, repair and eliminate contemptuous exchanges.
Stonewalling happens when the listener withdraws from the conversation. The stonewaller might actually physically leave or they might just stop tracking the conversation and appear to shut down. Typically they are overwhelmed and are trying to calm themselves. In his study, Gottman conducted oral interviews with 95 newlywed couples. Couples were asked about their relationship, mutual history, and philosophy towards marriage.
The interview measured the couple's perceptions of their history and marriage by focusing on the positive or negative qualities of the relationship expressed in the telling of the story.
John Gottman - Wikipedia
Rather than scoring the content of their answers, interviewers used the Oral History Interview coding system, developed by Buehlman and Gottman into measure spouses' perceptions about the marriage and about each other. The more positive their perceptions and attitudes were about their marriage and each other, the more stable the marriage.
Gottman's model fit with A paper by Richard E.The 7 Principles For Making Marriage Work by John Gottman - Relationship Advice ► Book Summary
Heyman, "The hazard of predicting divorce without cross validation"  analyzes 15 divorce prediction models and questions their validity. When analyzing a given dataset, it is possible to overfit the model to the data, which will work extremely nice for this dataset, but will not work when tested on fresh data.
Ninety percent prediction may actually mean much less when considering false positives and the low base rates of divorce.
Nonetheless, dissemination of 'predictive power' results in the popular media must await supportive data on sensitivity, specificity, and predictive value when the predictive equation is applied to independent samples.
By recognizing both the value and limitations of predictive studies, professionals and the public alike will be served best. Gottman never published a reply to this critique.
Happy couples have more goodwill and positivity stored in their bank accounts, so when rough times hit, their emotional savings cushion conflicts and stressors.
They make decisions together and search out common ground. Sometimes, though, telling the difference can be tricky. Gottman devised a five-step model for resolving these conflicts: In step 1, soften your startup, which simply means starting the conversation without criticism or contempt.
In step 3, soothe yourself and then your partner. Then you might try closing your eyes, taking slow, deep breaths, relaxing your muscles and visualizing a calm place. In step 4, compromise. The above steps prime couples for compromise because they create positivity, Gottman says. Here, Gottman includes a valuable exercise to help couples find common ground.