Losing relationship to alcoholism

Obvious Behaviors of an Alcoholic Personality

losing relationship to alcoholism

a relationship with, someone struggling with alcohol use disorder may financial and legal problems, and leads to memory loss or cognitive. The effects of heavy alcohol consumption on the drinker are developed into a heavily co-dependent relationship with alcohol at its heart. Other lifestyle factors that often go along with drinking, like smoking, may make hair loss worse and lead to other issues related to appearance.

They may also try to get rid of all the alcohol in the house, assuming that then the person will stop drinking. They may scold, shame, or coerce their partner to get them to stop drinking. While it is possible to understand and overcome alcohol use disorder, it requires help from professionals. Cover up the problem: People who are in partnership with someone struggling with alcohol use disorder may be in denial about the problem themselves.

Obvious Behaviors of an Alcoholic Personality

Everyone wants to believe the best of those they love. They want their children, relatives, and friends to be happy, and this overarching desire may lead to making excuses for their spouse or hiding evidence of the problem. Again, people who love a person struggling with alcohol use disorder may deny or excuse problematic behaviors because the person was drunk at the time.

losing relationship to alcoholism

If the person is aggressive, depressed, suicidal, abusive, or dangerous more often than not because they are drunk, they likely have a drinking problem that needs to be addressed. Instead, it shields the person suffering from alcohol use disorder from the consequences of their disease. Pointing out these behaviors is not an attempt to blame anyone, only to help people recognize if they may be hurting themselves in an attempt to maintain their relationship with someone who is compulsively engaging in destructive behaviors.

Instead, both people in the relationship can heal by being honest and getting appropriate help. People who are married to, or in a relationship with, someone struggling with alcohol use disorder may want to start by going to a therapist, social worker, spiritual or religious leader, or friend or family member for emotional support. It can help to have a steady person to talk to as action is taken. Here are some steps that spouses of alcoholics can take to get help for themselves and their loved ones: It is important to focus honest and open discussion on love and the relationship — not on blame or shame.

This may take some rehearsal and planning. Be honest and keep it simple. When confronted with the emotional pain their spouse is experiencing, a person suffering from alcohol use disorder may deny the problem, lash out, blame their spouse, or engage in other combative behavior.

During this time, it is important to stay focused on the problem, and keep it short and simple. Do not be distracted from the truth. Keep in mind that this is about healing the relationship, not ending it.

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Get help from others. This may be for individual emotional support or to plan an intervention. An intervention can be very successful as long as it is planned and focused. A professional interventionist can help with this. And she attracted to him because of her unconscious desire to mother someone, will be the practical member of the family. She may later bemoan the fact that he has failed in his role as head of the house, not aware that it was she who took the reins and did all the managing.

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He has no incentive to get sober. If she turns out to be an alcoholic, he will have the complete dependent he wants, no matter how desperately he thinks he wants her sober.

losing relationship to alcoholism

He, too, will cover up her drinking, protect her from public disgrace, and assume all the responsibilities which should be hers.

Such distorted relationships are often found in alcoholic marriages, and they inevitably lead to the drying up of the communication which is vital to a good marriage. We can make verbal communication effective if we never lose sight of the fact that the alcoholic is sick; he has a disease for which it is unfair to blame him or punish him.

But he must be told—at the right time and without anger or reproach—what he has done and is doing. This suggestion, from an AA member, has proved successful in many cases.

He suspects that something did happen and his anxiety and nameless guilt are almost unbearable. He has a right to know what his drinking is doing to him. And as soon as she had spoken her piece, she excused herself and quietly left me to figure out for myself what I was going to do about it.

And when the drunk phase is past, she hesitates to bring up even urgent problems for fear of giving him the reason for another binge.

losing relationship to alcoholism

The stresses and uncertainties she lives with each day the dread, the fear, the anger have so distorted her reasoning powers that most of her reactions are emotional and often destructive. Telling him how we feel about the things he does seems to me the same as taking his inventory.

But we have to know what we think before we can say it convincingly. Our husbands have a right to know what we expect from them. Not letting them know how we feel is dishonest. If we want the alcoholic to face reality, we must face it first, and not be afraid to share our feelings. What do you think?

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I reacted to anything that annoyed me with the first angry words that came to my mind. We must know why we are saying it. That would only widen the rift and we want to close that gap! And we can mean what we say only if we stop the rash statements before they hit the air.

losing relationship to alcoholism

Telling the alcoholic what we expect and how we feel may have gotten us nowhere. More talking would just be nagging. So sometimes, we think the action is necessary. This, too, is a form of communication. But I also have that right. I will not let your drinking be the most important thing in my life. Actions speak louder than words. That would be punishing him.

I told her that she was the only one who could do anything about her drinking, but that I could take certain steps to see that her drinking would not affect me and our children as far as meals were concerned.

I arranged with a neighbor to come in and cook the dinner. This went on for three weeks, then my wife asked for another chance. Although she still gets drunk nearly every night, now she at least waits until after she has cooked dinner.

A very large order, but communication which has these qualities will accomplish several ends: It will confirm our individuality and dignity; the person who hears them cannot mistake their meaning; they carry no residue of regret for unfairness.

Coping with Anger What alcoholism is doing to us gives rise to resentment. Resentment creates anger, and our anger must be dealt with, for our own health and growth.

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Living with an alcoholic can be a frustrating business, producing conflict after conflict. Both before and after sobriety is established, the alcoholic may say and do things that trouble her.

If this self-destructive behavior can continue, no real growth, spiritual or emotional, can be expected. Otherwise, they can have two undesirable consequences: I thought I was the picture of serenity. It made me so frustrated, so nervous, that I began to take it out on my children. I realized that I was punishing them for what had been done to me. I knew I would have to find other outlets for these feelings.